This thread is an all good idea!! We do share frustrations but I bet we have found solutions too, not ones that fix everything but experience strength and hope we can share about the small things we've found worked.
We're not alone, it is different to dealing with addiction alone - I wonder how many of the guests that have wandered through here have been amazed by this thread too.
So here's my cards on the table. I have found things that seem to be functional, helpful and productive. I'm not from an Al-Anon base, I use research to get the outside information, we also had a counsellor who used an approach which involved both of us as a team to tackle D's drinking. A large chunk of what I could share sometimes does clash with 12 step principles - but there have been Al-Anons here that can view it as acceptable, especially when addiction is not the only problem.
My personal opinion is that as relatives we don't get anywhere near enough information on how to help effectively rather than in ways that don't work. It's not that the information isn't out there - it is, it's not that the evidence of it being functional isn't out there - it is, it's that we don't get it and can be left questioning ourselves if we attempt to seek it.
I went through feeling all the pain of whether I should detach or support and I was both supported and criticised by those involved in recovery. Ultimately I opted to go by what worked with us and to learn more through research and to trust the proffessionals that appeared able to do their jobs, willing to share their reasoning and above all else LISTENED!
So wha do people think? Maybe a fresh thread sharing things that helped us, maybe it could form a sticky? Something SPECIFICALLY for F&F's dealing with dual diagnosis. A little hidey place where it's ok to say it is different.