Well- I discovered a small little bottle under the sink of “fake urine” that he bought at a head shop and o confronted him about it. He admitted almost everything and begged me to give him a chance and said he’s only using recreationally and I don’t even know what to believe. He is submitting to drug tests - in front of me and has passed since my post and hasn’t had pinned pupils since. This quarantine situation isn’t helping the tension in the house. I don’t think I can ever forgive him anymore and find myself just completely resentful of him. There’s only so many lies I can take. I can’t make any next steps at this stage being quarantined in a house with him and kids. I don’t know what next steps are besides taking small amounts of cash here and there. Even then- that won’t help me. I have literally no family in this state and no good friends since we moved here for his job. I feel helpless and like I’m just in a cage at this point. Regardless if he using buying pills— he drinks and is verbally abusive to me all the time. I have become so numb and used to it. I just deserve better but after 25 years with someone you become immune. I can’t even take him being home much longer.