[QUOTE=BeamMeUpScotty](I'm really just trying to sort out my thoughts at this stage)
..me too, just sorting out my thoughts at this point..... actually I start to think
and get down on myself some... then come here and read all the encouraging posts... then I feel OK ... so I go off on my own and think and automatically start beating myself up again ... then I come back here and read some more encouraging posts... then I feel OK for little while longer ... then I go off and think and again get down on myself...... it really is a vicious cycle!
My only rational at this point is if I keep doing the right thing over and over and over again, at some point it will change from the 'struggle' to do the right thing and make the right choices to a 'desire' to do the right thing and make the right choices...... maybe I'm still out in left field, but for right now its working for me and I'm holding on to that!