I’m so sorry you’re deep in the **** right now. I’m not yet to 30 days but I can share that my withdrawal was horrible. I had just come off a huge bender and was paranoid, anxious AF, crying constantly, couldn’t leave the house, catastrophizing etc. I ruined some really important relationships and made potentially long-ranging life choices while on the aforementioned bender and still feel bad about it (and have an anxiety disorder or two anyway) but someone here told me that since I can’t undo it, I can at least use it to catapult myself into recovery and for whatever reason that felt really helpful to me.

It really, really sucks. And I’m sorry again. I just hate to hear folks’ narratives when they center themselves as a awful pieces of **** because it is very rarely true. If you can, give yourself some grace because you deserve it.