I feel like I cant recover because I cant accept the fact I'll never drink again.
I felt the same way. "Never" was way beyond my comprehension and acceptance. I was so desperate to recover though, that I could accept 15 minutes. I told myself
"Hell anybody can not drink for 15 minutes!"I built my recovery in 15 minute increments. It was slow. It was painful. It was hard.
But it grew! The more linked 15 minute increments I accrued, the more "never" faded from the scenario. "Never" doesn't even matter anymore. I am happy about not drinking so "never" is a non-issue. In one week, I celebrate 17 years of recovery.