mikoss

I will tell it to you straight and I mean this with no disrespect but accepting you are an alcoholic there is no shame in that.

I have been going to AA meetings for the past week and I have heard so many stories. I know what you are going through. I too feel like the thought of never being able to drink again is horrible. I feel like it is a punishment for not being able to control myself. I feel like why can't I be like "normal" people and drink "moderately". And like so many people say in my AA meetings we are the select few. We are the ones that can't have one drink. We cannot drink moderately like "normal" people. And that is okay. We have to learn to accept that we are alcoholics and that is okay. We are not bad people for being alcoholics. It is just the cards we were dealt.

I cannot say that I am sober. The truth is I am an alcoholic and trying to get sober as we speak. I am a drunk and a drug addict. I have tried so hard to give alcohol and drugs up but I can't do it alone. Thankfully after today I am getting a sponsor and possible detox or rehab or whatever lies ahead.

The truth is I drink every day. I drink a liter bottle of straight vodka every day. I do cocaine all day. Heroin to come down. Pills on top of that. Sometimes I free base cocaine and smoke it. I should be dead by now. But for some reason I am still alive. And I thank god every day that I am alive and if I can get through this addiction I want to help others that go through what I am going through because this addiction is horrible.

Al I can say is to see sobriety as not a punishment but as a better way to live. I know what it feels like to have the though of never being able to drink again but as they tell me in my AA meetings you have to want to be sober more that wanting to drink. I am sill trying to learn that after a week in AA meetings but hopefully after tomorrow I will finally get it. All I want to say is that I know how you feel.