Originally Posted by
Surrendered19 
You are peering into your crystal ball to try and see the future Smilax. Put the crystal ball away because yours doesn't work any better than mine. I think you are struggling so mightily because you want to see what it's going to be and you don't want to wait for it. Remember a few sort of harsh truths about us humans going forward. We are very turned off be insecurity and neediness. In a perfect world we could express those feelings with no consequences, but in a perfect world there would, of course, be no insecurity and neediness. So anyway, you need to be confident and not chase her away with your tangled head full of emotions - all very legit emotions. They will drive her away fleeing into the night. Again, all of what you are feeling is so human, but we can be right and still be simply too much work to be with right? I think the apt phrase is high maintenance. Relax and enjoy this new thing and don't overthink it.
Yes thank you. I am aware of this danger which is why I have been very careful to keep all of this within myself. This is my own **** to work on that I am very aware. She knows I struggle with depression and I wish to take this slow and in time I may share some of my past and about my emotional struggles. But from a place of sharing, as I think she may be able to relate to some of these herself. Not from a place of desperation and need. Those are very much in me, red klaxon sirens going off in my head all the time. But those are for me, not for her. They are a sign that I don't love myself enough and are not her baggage to deal with. These are things I am definitely aware of. It's difficult for me to say for sure how little of this comes across, I suspect I may be a little needy in my texts but no hint do I ever give of what's really going on inside nor do I intend to. And I think this is as it should be and I think we are doing well!
Bad damn this is hard on my end lol.