You are peering into your crystal ball to try and see the future Smilax. Put the crystal ball away because yours doesn't work any better than mine. I think you are struggling so mightily because you want to see what it's going to be and you don't want to wait for it. Remember a few sort of harsh truths about us humans going forward. We are very turned off by insecurity and neediness. In a perfect world we could express those feelings with no consequences, but in a perfect world there would, of course, be no insecurity and neediness. So anyway, you need to be confident and not chase her away with your tangled head full of emotions - all very legit emotions. They will drive her away fleeing into the night. Again, all of what you are feeling is so human, but we can be right and still be simply too much work to be with right? I think the apt phrase is high maintenance. Relax and enjoy this new thing and don't overthink it.