(((Guy)))
I know it really does seem like she is making you worry and suffer. I am reminded of when I came to the realization that no one makes me be anything. I always have a choice no matter what the situation is. I know you are very concerned for your wife and you want so much for her to choose her family instead of drinking.
The reverse psycology of this is to stop being so concerned about what she is doing because it really does take from her the ability to get concerned about what she is doing. If you are calling around trying to find out what she is doing she probably knows this and sees as you taking responsibility for her actions. If she has a chance to think that you do not care what she does that will more likely cause her to snap than her getting messages that you are calling around looking for her. I cannot guareentee that it will turn her around for you to get detached about what she is doing but, I am pretty sure you will feel better.
It's kinda like a tug of war with you both holding an end of the rope if you let go it could cause her to loose her balance and fall cause she will be tugging hard on the other end. With you tugging back it gives her balance. But, if you do not let go eventually she will have both ends of the rope she will have you on a string and you will the button that is on the string and she will wind up the string and pull and I the button go back and forth getting you very dizzy they keep winding up the string and pulling on both ends until us the buttons decide we have had enough of going back and forth and round and round getting dizzy....I hope this helps...