Days are very painful without my mother alive. I know she would want me to work hard and have friends and faith, so I’m doing all I can. I’m leading a massive project that goes live next week and it’s so hard to focus. But I’ll show up and may be less than focused..it will be ok. So what. If I drop the ball on something it will get picked up. People get it.
My car was on its last legs so I bought a new one. Not brand new but close.?it will last 10 years like the last one, probably. It was stressful but I got through it while grieving and stressed. It’s quite sharp compared to my old one and I wish I could take my mother for a drive. But I feel like she’s with me. My sobriety brings the things I need, without fail. Nothing fancy because I’m a regular person. It’s good enough to drive a distance now, and I hope I can meet sober people near and far. I love road trips.
I feel a bit lonely and sad, but comforted too by staying sober. I can show up and people show up for me. I haven’t had much opportunity to be out in the sober social world lately, but I can do a few more of those things. I need company. How is it that the drinking me felt so cut off, anxious and isolated, but sober me wants people? I had no idea.
And the longer I’m sober the more easy it is. I’m not effortless like Kenton out on the dance floor.
I find her so amazing. I’m just bothering everyone at the side tables talking..
. I absolutely can’t be the center of attention. I’m shy but I like people. Is that possible?
I am so happy to be here with you and thank you so much for helping me. 24 for me and now that I got the car done I have more time to spend with you.
24 and love
Xxxx