Okay, yes he must be a very big deflector.
So I'm willing to work with him if he's not drinking (which he's not) but I'm not sure how to get through this area of deflection. Originally I thought it was a big deal he needs to acknowledge that right off the bat, but now, I'm not sure that's possible. If his mind is still damaged by the addiction, then, I can't expect it to get back to baseline immediately. But I find it hard to deal with him telling me about all my problems? (I mean my big problem is I stayed with him and put up with his addiction and being a jerk. I see that problem now and need to make steps to correct my behavior for the future. But it seems he thinks I have a lot of problems and those aren't it.)
Sure I have problems, everyone has problems. But addiction is a very very big real problem. Also, I don't really put blame on him personally. I have blamed the alcohol as being such a horrible mind altering problem. So I don't even place a shameful blame on him- maybe I should if he wants to do it do me?