So. As of yesterday, I was planning to just go ahead and send birth announcements to my family, including my parents, and let the chips fall where they may. Because, apparently, I can't seem to learn my lesson when it comes to my family.
But yesterday two things happened that have changed my mind: 1) my brother and his gf ignored my request to stay away, and 2) I read maia's post above (which led me to re-reading everyone's posts in this thread).
Brother and gf decided to come here anyway, after I told them clearly and multiple times that we were not accepting visitors right now. I will spare you the ridiculous details of how it all went down. Suffice to say, it ended with my husband threatening to call the cops if they didn't back off. Yep. That's my family. How could I forget.
But the most important thing is that I never backed down, and I never lost my s*** with them. I just maintained my previously-stated boundary, never wavered once. I am very proud of that. I have you all to thank - SBM, hopeful, Phoenix, trailmix, in particular. A big step for me.
Maia - thank you for your honest post, especially "You will be subjected to hear all the horrible things that happened, when you had protected yourself from, over the last few year. By having contact with them, the stress will start again". You are right, of course. And it is a good idea to make a list of all of the reasons I went NC with them in the first place. It's amazing, how could I forget how bad it was? Because it was really, really bad.
I read maia's post last night, then read it again this morning, then read the previous posts in this thread, and let it all sink in. And I asked myself: What is the point of asking for advice on this forum if I just continue to lie to myself about reality and ignore the excellent advice that I receive?
So - no announcement to my parents. Indeed, alcoholism is progressive, there is no evidence that they've changed, and as bad as it was last time I saw them, it is surely worse now. I don't need that in my life. Baby definitely doesn't need that in his life.
Not sure if we should send announcements to any of the rest of my family. I would like to try re-engaging with some of them. But I'm apparently having trouble distinguishing between the ones that are "difficult" and those that are "irredeemably toxic". I though my brother and gf fell into the "difficult" category but was proved wrong yesterday in a big way.