I can't believe it!!!!!
I'm so grateful in so many ways - I have to give thanks to SR for sticking with me while I relapsed again and again and again - your words broke through eventually, which led me to treatment, which probably saved my life - my stubborn head put up a crazy fight! Denial is a nasty and crazy b****!!!
I'm now learning to not need approval - that's so hard for me! Since I was a toddler I craved it.......seeking approval in my sobriety was becoming a huge issue.....
Thanks to SR, my therapist, and my new sponsor, not to mention my family and friends, I've developed a program that works for me. I've learned to listen to the opinions of others and retain it if it works for me, and let it go in one ear and out the other if it doesn't. Sounds simple enough but it's something I have to focus on. The compulsion to talk about my program here and hear opinions is still strong - but I'm learning to only reach out when I need to. I'm confident in my program - and so is my support system - and that's more than enough.
I haven't been up this late on a Friday night/Saturday morning since i was drinking. It's finally getting warmer in Minneapolis and I went for a walk around the lake - spring fever is starting to hit me.......Enya in my ears and a calmness in my spirit. I have a figure skating lesson in 6 hours (that damn double lutz is coming back! Was so easy when I was 20........now, it's, ugh lol) and I coach after it - but I feel too good to sleep. I'm just content - what a great feeling! I haven't felt it in so long!
To those struggling, figure out what YOU need, and fight for it. Support is all around you in this forum and outside of it as well. Finally choosing to ask for help was my first and hardest step - things just keep getting easier for me since that moment. While that was the hardest part for me, it now seems so simple. If you need help, ask for it, grab it, and hold on to it!!!!!!
My favorite mantra - sober yesterday, sober today.
