Originally Posted by IcedVoVo

Thank you my dear friends. I’m thinking of some things I’d like to share, though they may not make much sense:

I will not drink, as I do not drink and it would only make everything worse. My heart couldn’t feel what it needs to, my mind could not process the same.

There are many sober hands to hold onto, and people in recovery will walk with me and hold me up when I feel weak and lonely.

Things will be very painful for a while, but they have been watching her suffer terribly for the past year. She would want me to find bits of joy and gratitude even now, and go on to be happy. I sat in the early spring sun this afternoon on my west-facing patio and looked everywhere for signs that there is beauty in all of this. I even got a little pink sunburn as I listened to the white-winged dove who are just beginning their annual nesting and incessant, hypnotic singing in my oak trees. I chatted with Suze and other friends and decided I would plant a garden soon. My mother was a fantastic gardener and grew flowers and tomatoplants for me from seed every year. She would want me to continue for her, and I will.

I was thinking about how opposite we are, and how that ended up being just fine. My mother was lively, bossy, spontaneous and artistic, whereas I have more of a quirky dry wit, am more reserved, people-pleasing (!) and practical/analytical. We clashed a lot when I was growing up, but in time she accepted and appreciated me, and I, her. I’m glad I moved closer 8 years ago and we had several healthy years together. There are many blessings that I don’t want to lose sight of in my grief. I must think of how grateful I am for our time.

Thank you so much for listening, it helps me a lot to share.

Love
Xxxx