Jamie......the perpetrator does not get to decide what pain the victim feels!
Jamie...you know what you know. You feel what you feel.
What you know and feel is just as real and valid as whatever goes on in his head. He is not more important or valuable than you are.
This is not some kind of right or wrong to be decided by vote of a Jury in a courtroom.
I strongly believe that you should stop arguing with him about what you know, feel or think!!
In other words.....detach from arguing and D0 Not JADE....
J=justify
A=argue
D=defend
E=explain
You will never "win" arguments such a this. Only gives him more opportunity to gaslight you and bring you more mental and emotional distress...….
I suggest that this falls into line with boundary work. You need boundaries to protect yourself...and it is your job to enforce those boundaries.....Without proper boundaries....you are as vulnerable as a turtle without a shell!
Perhaps you feel that you need him to live....to have some companionship....to have someone who will care about you....? If you do believe these things...I wish to challenge you with the idea that these things are not true......