Betrayal - wounded mom
Dear friends,
Even after so many years in codie recovery, I am still in need of some guidance, and as you always do, call me out when I am wrong. Long story short..... 34 years with axh, who was angry, a serial liar, and had an affair. Through many years of alanon, open aa meetings, SoberRecovery and a therapist, I divorced him 5 years ago. I have worked a program to better myself, but things still sometimes hurt regarding axh, my recovery is continual and that is why I am still on this forum.
I have two dd's who are my blessings and we (I thought) have a great relationship. So recently I heard that axh had a new girl friend. (not that it should matter 5 years out) So I have spoken to my kids over the years about Dad and his relationships and they always played dumb, didn't share anything; obviously to "protect" me. So, talking to a mutual friend a few weeks ago, I found out axh is still with the women he had the affair with. So I reached out to DD 27 last night and asked her if she ever met "Kitten" before and she said yes, " a long time ago". Then I inquire more and she tells me the last time was last summer that they were all together and was very vague on all the other events over the years. (they don't live near each other so she doesn't see her Dad that often) She then tells me multiple times they were together, but can't remember exactly. I know it really shouldn't matter but I am feeling very sad that my daughter has lied to me over the years. She said she didn't want to hurt me, but as in all things, it not the act that hurts, but the lies and cover ups that do. I wish that she would have been honest and forthright with me.
So I called DD 26 and she didn't pick up, as she was already on the phone with her sister, who was telling her about what transpired. She finally reached out and said she had not met Kitten, but she knew her Dad had been with her the whole time. I am feeling betrayed by my kids, that they are/were not truthful with me. I have always stressed being honest, as I was burned for so many years with axh, as he lied to me continually and now I see the same with my kids. I have always spoken to my girls about trust and earning trust, how important it is in life and what it was like to be on the receiving end of dishonesty and what it does to your self-esteem.
I know that you will call me out, but just so hurt that my two kids have not been truthful with me over the many years. Your insights would be appreciated.