((sober53)). I suffer from a huge amount of work related anxiety so I feel you re the job searching woes, etc. All in all, the most important thing you have to hold onto through this is your sobriety. This too shall pass.
((Willow)). You're in my thoughts. What you described re the depression is similar to what I've faced all my adult life. However, I will cautiously say that I believe I'm getting out of that cycle now. For me, time has been a huge factor plus the constant introspection and searching my soul for answers. The answer was inside me but it was so hard for me to see for so long.
Like Dee, fear was a huge component in my misery and drinking. I'm still battling fear but it's not as crippling as it previously was and I've developed several strategies to fight it. Fear and anxiety, of course.
I hope you figure things out soon and the suffering can cease. I'm not overly religious but this has manifested in my life: '...and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.'