Been a Long, Long Time
I can't remember the last time I posted here. I'm guessing it was sometime in January 2019. When I first found this place, it was in January 2012 and my then AGF broke up with me via text, showed me a picture of her new boyfriend, and then gleefully confessed to cheating on me multiple times.
How did I respond to that?
Well, since January 2012, I finished graduate school, have been promoted at work three times (including yesterday), and have been happily married for 2 1/2 years. Eight years ago, I was just trying to survive on a day to day basis and not do anything to make my situation worse. In retrospect, the key decision was deciding to NOT make things worse. My AXGF showed me, once and for all, what she was. And I took her at her word. If anything, I'm grateful for what she did and the cruelty she exhibited while doing it.
Generally speaking, people only get away with what we allow them to get away with. And there are far worse things in this life than not having destructive people in our lives. It doesn't matter how much we love them, or what we do for them. Addicts are, due to their condition, unable to absorb that sort of support. They're going to do whatever it is they do. We can't stop that. And the sooner we accept that, the sooner we regain our freedom and our sanity.
These days, my life is a balancing act between fulfilling my role as a husband with my own professional ambitions. Our biggest personal goal is to move to southwest Florida so I can wear shorts and flip flops all year long. Balancing conflicting goals isn't easy, but it's a heck of a lot better than what my life was like 8 years ago.
For those of you I haven't met on this board and who are going through their own version of hell, I hope you take solace in the hope that things will, if you so choose, get better. Your lives may take a different form than what you want or feel you need, but just because something is different doesn't mean it's inherently bad. When you're ready to put yourself first, that'll be your first step towards a better life. Don't be afraid of the unknown. Don't let the addict you love shackle you to a life of anxiety and endless disappointment and pain. Choose to live your best life. The rest will take care of itself.