I’m sorry to hear of your ex-mother in laws passing. Mine also passed away last year. My AH (separated) used this as one more “reason” to drink, so be prepared for that.

I think by you having a concerned talk with your ex about his alcoholism progression it will, at the least, put your mind at ease a little (for yourself and kids) Having children involved definitely changes our outlook. Your love is coming from a difffrent perspective now. One of concern for him, not only as a parent but a fellow human being too. It sounds as if you are in a good mind set to be able to have this conversation and still maintain your “distance”. As long as you are doing it for your children, and have zero expectations for his actions afterward. It’s a very fine line, staying on your side of the street. IMO when children are involved you may need to tiptoe over, but you need to come right back. As long as your comfortable with it.

Best wishes to you and your children

BTW, have any of these 15 other people ever tried talking to your ex about his drinking?