Roo - Welcome
I would recommend you start a thread in the lower section of Friends and Family of Alcoholics. That way, more people will see your message, and you will get more replies, OK?
Regarding your question, that is one of the very hardest things to figure out. I'm still learning what loving detachment is. I know one thing for sure, we don't need to stop loving, and we can learn to stop hurting.
Keep coming back
Robin