Hey DB, so sorry you're having such difficulties with your mother. I can somewhat relate because my mother is a functioning alcoholic and I have an 18 year old daughter with serious mental health issues (cutting, food issues etc). I know how you feel, our moms are supposed to understand and be there for us.
It was hard growing up because she never hugged or told me she loved me (not to this day). I always seemed to put a frown on her face. She was also the one who encouraged me to drink alcohol when I couldn't manage my daughter as an infant (just to take the edge off...yeah right!).
The absolute worse part is that my daughter has said to me recently she feels like she is only trouble and I don't love her! How can that be! But it is what it is and there's no doubt I have some of my mother's traits.
In my case, I'm trying to see things from mom's perspective. She grew up in an unloving environment and left home at 15... got married at 16 because she was pregnant.
It's easier to forgive than to harbor resentment I'm finding. Being a cycle-breaker is not an easy thing but when my daughter told me the other day she's never going to drink because she wants to support me, I knew the tides were changing. I could just cry thinking about it.
I'm going to admit that I asked my daughter some pretty inappropriate questions about MY life in the past couple of years...maybe like your mother does to you. For me, it was innocent enough, I was just trying to connect with her on a more "adult" level. But I can see now that's not what she needed at all.