mikoss

Thank you so much everyone for the support. Dee74, fishkiller, Steely, Hevyn, and everyone.

I managed to get a little sleep without the aid of an antidepressant and just woke up.

Thank you so much Dee74, yes my friend just didn't understand the situation I guess. But this friend did call just a while ago to check up on me and was a little more understanding this time.

But exactly as you said these 'just words' are helping me out so much and will possibly save my life. Words go a long way and we all need somebody to talk to that understands our situation and can relate to certain things we go through. Whether it be advice or suggestions or comfort or help on what to do, it all helps tremendously at least for me.

But I just woke up a short while ago and had a horrible dream/nightmare. Some of it was ok and some of it was just horrible. And it involved drinking heavily. In this dream I was moving stuff outside and then somehow my neighbor saw me and said hi and invited me over to have food with them outside on their back porch. And somehow I disappeared and went into my house and got a bottle and I remember vividly that I was pouring whiskey into one of those big red plastic cups. And then somehow I end up running around the neighborhood in the dark at night with a bottle in one hand and this red plastic cup full of whiskey drinking like there was no tomorrow.

I was just having a blast running around everywhere with my bottle and cup full of whiskey. And then somehow I end up back at my neighbor's house and they invite me to watch a movie with them. And I end up sitting on this couch and there are these little kids sitting on the couch with me watching the movie and there I was with my plastic cup full of whiskey. And this little girl just grabs my cup and said to me, "Don't drink that anymore it's hurting you. Drink this instead." And she hands me a glass of some hot chocolate.

Just the wildest and craziest dream.

And then I woke up just panicking and sweating and full of anxiety and was thinking to myself that thankfully it was just a dream and I was not drinking again. I am still feeling depressed and have a bit of anxiety but it is going away. Maybe I will fix something to eat and see what happens.

But at least I have made it 5 days already with no drinking alcohol or cocaine and I am slowly doing it day by day.