My longest sober stretches, since I was 18 (I’m 50 now) were through both of my pregnancies. I, too, spiraled out of control after that. My realization came when I knew I couldn’t do this on my own. I tried SO many times, for years, to drink in moderation. I failed miserably. The only thing that’s keeping me sober now, is I have a plan in place - SR, online AA for women, a sponsor, a daily 10 item gratitude list, and I came clean to my family and close friends.
You can do this! You said you can’t do this alone... have you shared your struggles with anyone close to you?