I'm never suggesting that the steps alone can help us truly deal with every part of our past, any trauma, or even boundaries.
Selfless-ness is not about continuing to be a victim, in fact quite the opposite. Ownership of our part in past and present interactions doesn't exclude- indeed, includes- appropriate boundaries, limitations and even breaking off some relationships. Hard to do for this pleaser/fixer of an alcoholic. But anything that is toxic - from my ex who was abusive to my MIL's unkindness to me - are things to confront and get rid of as I need to for my peace of mind and emotional sobriety.
I have to echo again that we need to stop drinking to effectively START the steps, at ONE, as well as effectively get additional help.
We're getting a little off track with this hugely important issue.
Jd - how are you?