Originally Posted by
Cow 
I always had "reasons" to relapse, but the deeper truth was, I just drank cuz I wanted to. It was hard to admit to myself just how little fortitude and strength of will I had. If I wanted it, I was gonna do it. I found I had to approach sobriety from the want side of the equation, versus the willpower side.
How did you explain this so perfectly?
I am such a disinhibited person in general. In the last couple years I would have totally returned to it if I still wanted it. I wasn’t “strong” or “evolved” or “recovered.” I just didn’t want to go back to it.