Thanks Phoenix
Really appreciate your words. It is rather lonely at times, which I think seems exacerbated by the random emotions and high-level sensitivity about what others are seeing in you.
I think the loss of relationships with family and friends over the years puts some big dents in self-confidence about being a person that can be tolerated or liked. Probably adds to the agoraphobic fears of leaving the house too.
So day 5 for me now. I'm still finding it tough, but feeling better each day.
I'm starting to eat again and spending some bits of the day being active.
I managed to mow the lawns yesterday which was a great achievement given our temperamental mower.
Aim for today is to prepare a little herb garden in the backyard and do a bit of house cleaning in preparation for hubby getting home tomorrow.
I am sort of happy that he is coming home, but also a bit worried that my old routine of having a drink with him at the end of the day (in addition to all the other drinks during the day which I hid from him) might be a trigger for me. At the moment, he doesn't know that I have quit drinking and trying to tell him is causing a bit of stress. Frustrated to be worrying about him coming home, as I should be excited instead.
Apologies that this post sounds a bit negative. Just a bit anxious, sensitive and doughy all at once.
Hope everyone has a great sober day today!
Maybe when I am better, I might fit in somewhere in this society.