searching

Well the weekend went ok, it spit ice rain on us the whole time we up there. I tried to help my wife have a good b-day but the only way was if I stayed drinking, If I didnt I would have spent the whole time in bed or worse. We went out had a good time the colts won the only prob is when we got home for the first time I have had a hard time stopping drinking. I know I have a prob know I can admit that, Im just scared to stop, usually I can quit I just take my xanax and pass out for a couple days drink lots of fluids and it passes but this time is diffrent. Last night was awful, I would wake up with thoughts I was dieing, sit straight up in bed, cold sweats you name it I had it, I just had to get some beer today try to get through it, this time Im not sure I can get through it on my own, Im going to drink some beer tonight and first thing tomorrow Im going to call for help.....