It's so hard when teenage kids are involved. My son was 15 as my marriage to his alcoholic father was finally falling apart. My 20yr old daughter was already out of the house.
It's a fine line to walk, trying to protect them but also giving them the space and dignity to deal with things in their own way. That's always the challenge with teenagers, but throw in an addict parent and all that fallout....uuggggg. I "over protected" and it blew up in my face. First by withholding the truth...and then by sharing too much. Everything I said and did came from a place of love, but, it wasn't the right way to handle things. In hind sight, I wish I would have just been honest with my kids about what was going on with ME and then let them figure out their own "stuff" between themselves and their dad. My relationship with my son is still strained because of mistakes I made back then. I have deep regret about that.
I see the extremely sick, enmeshed, codependent relationship my mother has with my brother and I am utterly appalled by it. I can clearly see where I learned that behavior and am glad I decided to break that cycle. I wish I had done it sooner ...but we can't change the past.
I know this stuff is so hard. My mumma heart goes out to all of the parents who are trying to help their kids navigate through having an addict parent. It's heart breaking stuff. Hang in there!