Ok, so the verdict came back. I apologise if this is confusing as I have been back and forth but apparently I have not understood very well my own self what the process is.
So, we went to court. The judges came back with the verdict DENYING my ex the "super exclusive custody" that he asked for. They granted him physical custody but I am still the mother and any and all decisions regarding their education, medical issues, travel, discipline, etc are shared with me. The court ordered psychologist had recommended a year of monitoring and then a review of the case to make a final verdict. However, the court, based on interviews with my psychologist, my psychiatrist, my son's psychologist, the "educator" (sort of a social services person but privately hired to help with parenting issue- for both myself and the father) and my court ordered psychologist "di parte" (there is the court ordered psychologist int he middle- the boss, then each party is required to have their own court ordered psychologist 'on their side') so, going on, based on these interviews and reports they decided to set a court date for JUNE 5th!!!!!!!!! So only five months from now. If all is going well then and there are still good reports they will close the case then and we will return to shared custody.
The court also dictated that during these next few months my time with the children should gradually increase as they feel it is necessary for the children.
They highlighted in their report the enormous effort I am putting into getting better and stated I seemed to be a "bright, compassionate, loving" woman.
They only thing that went against me was the request for child support. But I agree with this, it is fair given the kids stay primarily with their father. My lawyer argued (even against my wishes) that I deserved some sort of support as I gave up great job opportunities in the US in order to stay here in Italy to keep the kids close to their father. But money does not concern me. If that comes, so be it, if not, I have always survived. She asked for a crazy amount anyway- €1500 a month!!!! Which she based on his income and assets. The law in Italy is that children should experience the same standard of living with both parents. But I am actually happy to show my kids how the other "99%" lives.
Anyway, I am feeling good and just trying to keep going.