O, I hope noone will tell you that you drank again because "you weren't working your programme hard enough" or whatever. I believe that noone has any magical formula to get past this thing or a special key to unlock the chest. I've stopped looking for the perfect answer to all of this and am content that my genuine desire and commitment to quitting drinking will eventually bear fruit. Seems like you have that desire and commitment in spades so I am guessing that eventually you will come out the other side of a binge and realise what a giant waste of time that was and get on with stopping drinking and not tying yourself up in knots trying to figure out how to stay stopped. Says me, the sage, with 58 days!!
Seems like you're giving yourself an unmerciful beating - it's not ideal that you drank but it's not the end of the world. Obviously I can't comment on the other stuff but hoping to see you in better fettle very soon!