Hey O,
I'm up late this evening, which is weird for me. Seems like when I have weekends off I'm all over the place and play video games all day, only to start doing actual adult things at like 10pm. Oh well. But the good thing is that I had the idea to come read around here a bit and I was able to read your thread.
I'm not 100% sure what's going on right now, or why, but I *do* know that shame breeds in isolation. Like a bad fungus or mold. It needs a dark, damp place with no light. Don't let it grow. Whether that's talking to us, to your therapist, to someone else you trust....just let the light in, if only for a couple moments. It's really scary and it's hard, but I can say with (like 98%) certainty, it'll be worth it. I'm a big fan of metaphors when it comes to feelings.
I think out of everything though, SR is a good place to start. In some ways I am grateful to be an alcoholic, because I have found that alcoholics can be some of the most caring, kind people I've ever met. At least when it comes to alcoholism. I truly believe that the people here care deeply about each other. I know I do.
I don't have anything super profound to say, but please know that I'm thinking of you over in my little corner of the world. You can always reach out, if you want. Maybe if I think hard enough some of the positive vibes will find their way to you. Sometimes I believe a little in that hippie ****, yknow.
Hope you check in soon.
