Very glad you're here, 2020.
Accepting that nothing we do or don't do "makes" them drink can be difficult. It gives us an illusion of control over their behavior that is hard to let go of. Recognizing that they are responsible for their own responses to what happens to and around them can be very empowering, but also makes us feel small and insignificant.
They're not drinking *at* us. They're just doing what they do. Learning not to take it personally is a big step.