I think it's great you're considering refuge recovery and hope you'll actually go and get a lot out of it. I haven't actually gone but find it to be much more aligned with my spiritual outlook and have found Buddhist principles to be very relevant to my recovery.
While I'm perfectly comfortable saying I'll never drink again in my life because I know exactly where it will lead, the whole "real alcoholic" thing never really sat right with me either. Yes I'm a real alcoholic, I just don't think that makes me different or more special than anyone else suffering from addiction. Nor do I think if it would've progressed further that would've made it more "real". I don't believe it's a separate condition from say a heroin user and I don't see it as the cornerstone of my identity. Ironically though, knowing I'll never drink again regardless of if or why or how I'm an alcoholic.. really puts the issue to bed and in that I've found freedom. Since I don't believe it's the steps that got me sober, obviously I don't feel any attachment to their future use in my sobriety.. I do however see immense value in being part of a community and helping newcomers.
I can understand why you might find AA (or any program for that matter) a bit limited/limiting if it's all you've been exposed to, but if you read around even on this site alone you'll find lots of different perspectives.. Best wishes with finding the best method for you.