Originally Posted by MLD51

Tink - I know how you are feeling.

I hated myself so much toward the end of my drinking "career." The pain was so bad, that sometimes I thought it would be better if I didn't wake up one morning. That the world would be a better place without me. I'm not sure how, but I had a moment of clarity (God? Spiritual awakening?) that made me realize the alcohol was causing most of that self-loathing. Feel bad, drink, then feel worse because you drank. It's a downward spiral that is pretty hard to pull out of, but it SO WORTH IT. Do I have underlying issues and traumas that need to be dealt with? Sure. But there was ZERO chance I was going to be able to work on any of that while drinking. I quit drinking, I didn't feel like dying anymore, I started the process of looking at my past and working through things that caused me pain and sadness. I might be doing that (to some extent) for the rest of my life, but at least I'm working on it and not making things infinitely worse every day by drinking.

Give it a chance. You have absolutely nothing to lose by quitting drinking. Get some help in real life. Go to AA. Go to treatment. Find some face-to-face support (these are examples, but do something to support your decision to quit). Keep coming here. You can do it.