Originally Posted by
JdA23 
I honestly feel that if I’m going to be sober, I personally need to be able to achieve this outside AA. So far the responses have been what im doing wrong. Which seems to be the AA response. I failed AA but why not assume aa failed me. I don’t mean that in a negative light but maybe the AA program is just not meant for me. I don’t want to be scared that I might drink again as aa says. I want to be confident and not guarded. I don’t want to live in a room of drunk a logs and resentments for the remainder of my sober life. I want to use the tools aa has given me and feel free. I don’t feel free in aa. I feel constricted in body and mind. I’ve been interested in refuge recovery. I’ve taken the precepts in Buddhism and have read the 12 steps through Buddhism. This, I feel is more me and search for a sound mind. I like this route because it doesn’t dwell in alcoholism as Aa does, it goes deeper into finding your true self.
It's obv completely fine if AA isn't for you - finding what does is what matters most.
However, what I highlighted is the opposite of what AA the program and its promises tell us we can find, as others have done.
I'm in no way saying anything is your fault, but I am suggesting that actually working with a sponsor who can guide you in what this simple program of suggestions that those roughly 100 people developed IS about.
The freedom from obsession, from fear of people/places/things is exactly what we can find.