Welcome and im sorry to hear about what you are going through.
I just want to share that, as a binge drinker, i too used to feel very regretful after a binge episode due to my behavior and also the withdrawal from alcohol. But as time went on and the episode became more distant then id start thinking it would be ok to drink again. It wasnt until i actively took the steps to begin recovery, beyind simply making promises to otherrs, that i actually stopped drinking. It had to start with me and making a clear change, like outpatient, and not just being "sober" until the next binge