Hi sherman - welcome back.
Yeah I think you need to raise your sights a little. Getting sober and staying that way is probably the better focus.
I think you could do worse than starting posting here everyday.
I had to plan ahead a little - make sure my house was free of booze and make up a few strategies to stop me buying more, and posting here was part of that.
The folks here helped me turn my life around and be the man I wanted to be - its got to be worth a shot?
D