Hi Louise, welcome.
I feel you, I've been where you are now. I suffered a lot. I'm sorry you are suffering now, I know it's very tough. There is a way out, for sure.
For me, the greatest first step was giving up the idea of trying to cut down my smoking, trying to moderate, trying to smoke once in a while, or once a week, or once a month, or only on weekends, or only by the end of the day.... I tried it all and it never worked, I tried and suffered for years. When I finally gave up that idea then things started to get better.
Listening to Dee always helped a lot, I'm very grateful, so make sure you listen to what he says. This forum in general helped to understand a lot of things (it took me years though). Hope you can learn faster than I did and snap out of it.
Withdrawal is rough but it sure goes away. We are here to help you go through it, you are not alone. I'm 2 years sober and I feel good, I don't want to smoke ever again. If I can do it, you can do it too.