Heavy binge drinker
I’m new here. I have a serious binge drinking problem that has gotten worse over the years. I didn’t start drinking until I was 18; I’m 50 now. I black out almost every time I drink now. I can go weeks or months without a drink, but when I do drink... it’s not pretty. I had alcohol poisoning quite a few times last year, and most recently on 1/10/20. I passed out in bed and woke up to a warning on my Apple Watch that my heart rate had reach 154 while I was passed out. I’m done for good. I’ve tried to quit quite a few times in the past, but have always gone back thinking I can handle it. I can’t handle it, and now my health is suffering. I can’t be the 1-2 drink max person. If I have 1 or 2, it’ll turn into 8-10.
Now I’m overwhelmed. Do I go to AA or some other type program? Do I tell my friends? Are my friends really just drinking buddies? I haven’t even told my husband. When I’ve talked to him before, he’s said, “You just need to stop after 1 or 2.” I can’t!!
I’m ashamed of all the things I’ve done over the last 32 years when I’ve been drunk, and there are A LOT of shameful things I’ve done. Horrible, inappropriate, embarrassing behavior. I’ve even had a DUI, but my attorney got it knocked down to Reckless Driving, so somehow in my mind I trick myself into thinking I’ve never really had a DUI. Ugh! I’m just sitting here hating myself today.