CRRHCC

We are all biologically wired to seek happiness, to feel good. From a psychological perspective we learn reward seeking behavior (happiness). In my teens I learned that when confronted with overwhelming feelings that made me feel emotionally helpless, I could momentarily escape that helplessness trap and empower my self with a quick fix and mood changer of drugs and alcohol. I ran on auto-pilot with this premise for more than 4 decades.

The reason I went four decades is because I lost my values and purpose in life. I was a functional drug addict and alcoholic that had lost his values and purpose in life. I had achieved my short term goals of college, marriage and children, but I had no global purpose in life.

I've since learned to empower myself and regain control of my emotions by facing them directly or replacing them with some other high value behavior. (God, music, exercise, journaling, smoking a cigar, serving others, meditation, prayer) Whatever is of high value to oneself.

For me, the ultimate high value relationship, a global purpose, an eternal purpose, is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. When I give God control He returns that control to me through the Holy Spirit. Some might find this is a bunch of spiritual hogwash, but I find that it also fits the science behind human behavior and who would know that more than our creator/designer. We can't control everything; life is not fair, easy, painless and we don' t always get what we want. I've learned that adversity is the price of admission to a meaningful life, if you let it.

Anyway, my point is not that my way is the only way, but that values and purpose are the main navigational tools in life. Without long term values and purpose in our lives we often seek unhealthy, short term solutions to regain control. I know I did. Until I learned otherwise.