Originally Posted by
Derringer 
Subconsciously, whether we like it or not, we attract what we are.
The more even keeled you are emotionally, the better chance you have of pairing with someone similar.
Its not necessarily 'relationships are bad' in early recovery, its more that we tend to pick some hot mess and that doesn't always become apparent till its too late and thats when it gets messy.
THAT.
I had to finally concede that no healthy man should have wanted a relationship with ME for a long time. Once I got sober, becoming someone who is healthy meant I could seek, and attract, the same.
When my now husband told me a few weeks into dating that I made him play up, and I felt the same about him, I knew I was on the right track.
And, I learned to put a foundation down. Talking about things, not just jumping into it whether sleeping together or smaller stuff and what we described as working on our best respective selves and lives then one together...our process and the investment has paid off in spades as we have encountered some significant stuff. Even if this hadn't been the kind of permanent deal, taking the same approach in any relationship would be my guide.