Gently as I can, I get that you’re enamored of her and that she has good qualities some times. But the longer you stay enmeshed in this dramafest, the sicker you’re going to get and the harder it will be for you to recover.
Neither she nor her family is going to admit the core problem: alcoholism. They want to believe that the core problem is you, for not giving her what she wants when she demands it. Is that how you want to spend your life? Getting scolded into line by her relatives every time you don’t comply with her every whim?
Valentine’s Day is coming up, so you’re going to get to do this all over again. At some point, I can see several scenarios in your future, as she has very few scruples at this point:
1. She gets pregnant by you and uses that to force you into her life forever.
2. She gets pregnant by someone else, claims it’s yours, same outcome.
3. After (hopefully) you don’t propose, she claims you assaulted her. Or files for a restraining order.
4. She manages to string together a few weeks of not drinking leading up to February 14, then if you don’t propose, she goes ballistic and the drinking resumes worse than ever, with a side order of harassment from her really messed up family. If you do propose, the drinking resumes, but now you’re engaged...it’s that much harder to get out.
Most of these outcomes affect your life pretty much forever, not in a good way.
You read other threads here...people married to alcoholics and desperately trying to protect their children, their finances, and their sanity from being destroyed as a result. That’s your future with this woman.
I see you walking along the cliff edge here, thinking that not proposing will keep you from falling. It won’t.
I wish you clarity and strength.