I remember that first visit to my therapist after my last relapse. The remorse and shame was absolutely overwhelming. It's hard to bear, I know - when you (I) finally face up to it rather than drinking it away again. But that's the start of fixing it. It gets better.
And it's hard to screw up the courage to come back here (or walk back into a meeting if that's a thing you used to do) and report that you need help. Again. But you know what? That's just what we're here for! Right?
Stick around. Write a lot, post a lot. We'll be here to prop you up while you regain your legs.
O