Absolutely no judgment here Val. We've all been in your shoes, many of us multiple times and I'm going to tell you one truth - if I can get sober and stay that way, ANYONE can. So don't lose hope dearest. And by the way you are young. I am well over a decade gone from you and OH!!!!, what I wouldn't give to have those 12 years sober. Give yourself that gift. It will be amazing.