I admire you. Honestly not sure if my AH (separated) chose recovery if I could stand by him. As others have said, to much water under the bridge. But it sounds as though you are giving it your best effort. You are simultaneously working the steps and maintaining your own sobriety while being a support for your wife (phew). And for that alone you should be proud of yourself. I also hear how exhausted you sound (I can’t imagine) Give yourself some slack, you’re still human. We can’t do it all all the time. Maybe you need a few days alone to clear your head? Someplace where the sun shines by the sounds of it