Thanks Ironwill!
I've communicated to him that i want him to be a good dad and a good dad means also being respectful and kind to the mother of his son. I want respectful conversation, no swearing or raising voices. I want our son to look up to us as people who are loving and kind and strong individuals who do not suppress harmfully but process intelligently. This is what I ultimately aspire to do. I'm not sure Abf will live up to what I want, in fact I highly doubt it, but right now he's treating me well and putting on a good show. He declared at Christmas that he wants to not drink at all and his first goal is to go two months of abstinence. Even if he does so successfully I'm not naive to what will happen beyond those two months. I understand his battle is lifelong and there's nothing I can do to fix it so I won't.
My son is priority now, over him, over everything, and Abf knows this. He knows I'm capable of raising our son alone. He knows my focus is no longer on abf. And I sense his fear of us leaving. Right now his support is good though and right now I am working towards saving money and completing a big work project. I don't need him but living here is helpful - right now. One day at a time is how I'm taking things basically.
Thanks for your reminder to be strong for my son ♥