Hi Thomos.
Everyone who drinks has some kind of memories that absolutely make us cringe.
I , like Dee am in my 50s now & i got to a point where i just needed to stop!
Stop overthinking , stop remembering & dwelling on stuff from the past.
I know its easier said than done but you need to cut yourself some slack.
I feel there is a kind of grief we go through when we know that boat has sailed and we cannot change our past.
We feel we have lost something. But there has to come a time when you forgive yourself. None of us can change our past ( god knows, i would in a hearbeat and have been a better mother )
You need to give yourself permission to accept you are not proud of things you have done and start moving forward.
I sense a case of sabotage, almost as though, you have got all your ducks in a row now and fought back from debt , but you feel like you dont deserve it.
It is what it is now. You have to move on , find peace within yourself or you will always feel tormented.
The day i forgave myself was a gift..
Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not here yet and all any of us has is today.
Thats how i have been living my life since and its a happy, peaceful, wonderful life.
I dont have a lot of money but nothing is worth being contented at last with peace of mind
You deserve it , i really wish this for you
Xxx