I know none of this is easy FWN. Kudos for you on pushing forward. It's good that you now realize this "normal" time as part of the cycle. I stayed trapped in the "maybe this time" loop for many years. It was very unhealthy.
As heartbreaking and confusing as it is now, you will soon be seeing things with much more clarity. You are making the wisest decision possible under the circumstances. The space will give you room to breath and think without constantly walking on eggshells or waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's such an exhausting way to exist. I am glad you will soon have a reprieve from it all.
Thank you for continuing to keep us apprised of how things are progressing.
Beaming some positivity and strength your way!