Thanks for sharing. I will have a look at that post. Processing stuff is definitely the part I'm at.
In all honesty, I don't deal with crisis because of the anxiety but also with Asperger's. Combine that with limited support and it's just so hard. Drinking comes in as an escape when I can't deal with certain emotions of a situation. With my dog and his spine, that was one of those crisis points and certainly the only way to get through that properly is to be cured of Asperger's and anxiety, or have the support to get through it. Of course Asperger's can't be cured, so without the support, I'm always going to struggle with crisis.
The final straw blowout was Friday and that wasn't even my intention. I actually planned to do something good having been over my blowouts over the dog situation.
I had the choice, stay in, or get out there to town to buy some goodies in the sales. I decided I would go out to try and do something good.
Now I knew without any doubt that the symptoms would be in full force especially with town being packed, long queues and people pushing and shoving past, but I didn't want to miss out so I accepted the fact I might have a pint at the pub to self medicate of things get too much. 1 pint is fine right if I can get through such a challenging day?
Town was horrid, so much distressed me. Music playing in the street, being pushed into, standing in a queue in a shop with my hands trembling. Interacting with shop staff who served me. I really just felt like breaking down in tears.
To cut it short, eventually (later on in the day than expected) I went to a pub to self medicate. Had a pint, just one but what really distressed me more and is more linked to Asperger's is that someone was sitting in my usual seat at the pub. I sat elsewhere but I just didn't feel right that they had my seat and table. That distress tipped me over the edge and that put me on that bad path.
Sounds silly doesn't it? I was already distressed with symptoms but someone sitting at my usual table tipped my distress levels over even further which lead to the series of events where I'm going to commit suicide.
I can stabilise things now but ongoing I have to live in isolation to avoid any crisis I can't cope with. I can give up booze entirely but only until a massive crisis happens where I should have support but don't. There's nothing else I can do.