Bad times have been back again with drinking.... Yet.... This is what I was saying earlier.
So what's happened is all was going very well with the new me. I was getting up every morning at 8am, getting on with stuff and happy with how things were going..... Then disaster...
My dog just suddenly hurt himself. One minute fine, the next bad problems with his back legs which turns out to be a spinal injury.... Gutted.
With the lack of support that happens and anxiety, taking him to the vets was such a soul destroying experience. At one point I was told he may have to be put to sleep. Imagine how devestating that is.
The problem with my mental health is I just cannot deal with a crisis because I get no support. I was all over the place with worry and then going to the vets was horrible with anxiety symptoms.
I've really overdone it bigtime, drinking to excess, 10 pints one day, a few days later another 10. Then 2 bottles of wine, several cans and beers another day. In barely 2 weeks I've been totally bladdered no less than 6 times. Absolutely horrendous.
On top of that I've gambled away so much money, basically everything I have and last night it reached the finale..... I went out into the countryside with the intention of taking my own life. I only didn't as someone who had serious concerns about me that lives hours away drove for 2 hours to find me.
This is where I struggle. Literally I cannot deal with crisis on my own due to health problems. If I hadn't been drinking, I'd have been self harming.
After that finale of going to end it, I think things have reset. I've reach rock bottom, got all that upset and hurt out of my system and its time to refresh and renew my continued reduction in drinking.